scared

i am afraid.

i'm occasionally afraid of things such as falling, drowning, you know...the usual. some sort of really bad bodily harm.....even a bit afraid of pain.

but this time the thing is quite scary.

i'm afraid of making the wrong decision. i'm afraid that my emotions will lead me astray (the heart is deceitful above all else right?) and i'm afraid that my mind will cause me to choose the opposite of my heart because of self-preservation, my quite injured self-respect, mistrust and suspicion, and fear of the unknown.

i even don't get the same answer from the few friends i've talked to. so this is indeed a conundrum. i don't know what to do. i don't know what is healthy. and what angers me is that IT DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.

AAARGGGHHHH.