silent night, nothing feels right

in the words of sufjan steven's "that was the worst christmas ever!"

i mean, i wouldn't say it is the worst christmas ever...but it is the most un-christmas like christmas i've ever had.

-no christmas tree
-not at home
-70 + weather
-the family is not all staying together

....very bizarre.

everything is off kilter and strange.

to some degree the sadness of the start of the trip has dissipated some. but it lurks around the corners, just waiting to get out.

i'm ready to head home (as in nashville) to be honest.

paradise is only paradise when you feel it is so.

for a split second this evening however, it felt okay.

watching the law & order marathon with my dad and mum....commenting on whom we thought was guilty.

it was a tad fleeting however, and i'm here....waxing cathartic.

i actually almost cried a little today, frustrated at life and changes, and not wanting to accept that i am indeed growing up. and the implications of that fact.