I don't want to be lonely

I just want to be alone.

lyrics from a silverchair song that at first don't make any sense. but boy, don't they now.

I am quite the social creature. I enjoy long conversations, listening to stories, laughing, dancing, and even being in the same room with someone I care about in silence.

as a little kid, I would tell my dad how unfair it was that he didn't have to sleep alone. (my attempt at guilting my parents into letting me sleep between them....it didn't work too much). in fact, i remember telling God that I would be happy when I got married because I wouldn't have to sleep alone.

I don't want to be lonely. I like to know that someone is thinking fondly of me. that they are accessible when I need them. and that they need me as well.

I just want to be alone. Sometimes it's nice to have that time apart in space...but to know that it is not time apart in your heart. AND I've found that I can feel peacefully alone when someone who feels like home is next to me.

companionship is spoiling really. all the small things that are so meaningful when there is someone to enjoy them with you can seem bleak when you're by yourself.

it's a puzzle because i'm told to be strong and not let some people know how much i need them or want them around, but that's not the truth at all. and on the inside, i stomp my feet and say, "wait! you didn't ask me if you could leave! i just need a little more time."