tonight i am tired.
i've been on my feet 80% of the day, rounding on neurology. listening to dr. singh's insight but frustrated by his inefficient use of time.
the muddle of things that must be done in the next 2 weeks exhaust me to even think of them.
i had my medicos meeting...and listening to conversational spanish and then translating in your head is a feat in and of itself.
i realized tonight that some friendships in my life are over. just dead. and that there is nothing to be done about that. i didn't necessarily see it coming, but then again, i'm not completely surprised.
and small things are nipping away at me.
why do accolades matter? even if you don't want them to?
why does it sting to not be acknowledged by people? or why am i bothered by dumb things?
-people taking me off of their "top friends"
-not being on blog lists
-not being invited to gatherings or outings
-always having to ask what is going on because people don't take the time to just let you know about things
-feeling as if i am passed over for someone more palatable or glamorous (whatever that means)
-sticking my neck out and not having someone do that for me
they seems so petty and ridiculous in the scheme of things, but they are ugly little voices in my head.
so i'm off to bed to tackle them. one by one. because that's what i do i guess.
my first advent calendar!
5 years ago
3 comments:
seriously. do i do EVERY SINGLE ONE of those dumb things?!
maybe. it looks like it. i'm sorry, brittley. you are more dear to me than a thousand other people, and if i don't make that clear like i should, i apologize. and i apologize on behalf of all your other friends who don't "show up" to treat you with the honor and love that a woman of your character and goodness deserves.
you're the best. the very very very very best.
and i will make more effort to show you it's true.
:) allie
i do appreciate that dearest,
you know how you have those "eyore" days.
sometimes things feel heavier until you write them or say them, and i couldn't think of who to say all of that to without sound bratty and whiney.
bleh.
i agree completely with allie.
you are the bestestestest.
yurp.
and i'm sorry if i ever dont make things clear either, you know my brain is like a kaleidescope. which makes me not as thoughtful as i should be sometimes, and for that - i apologize.
i love how you said "eyore" because i just called somebody that while talking to you.
you, however, are nowhere near the eyore status.
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