dust in the wind

i was reminded of the scripture that tells us that life is but a vapor.

today on my way out of the hospital after intern report, i passed an old patient from my first month of inpatient care.

he's a young guy with aids who was on my infectious disease service with recurrent high fevers, weight loss, and delirium. a month and a half later, he was found to have a disseminated bacterial infection, and sent home on extensive antibiotics.

unfortunately, he ended back in the hospital a few weeks later....and this time found to have a type of cancer that is caused by a virus...especially when your immune system is weakened by the hiv.

this healthy looking young man has become emaciated....practically overnight.

as i looked him in the eye, i stopped and asked how he was doing (he was sitting in a wheelchair in his gown...his hair sparse from the chemotherapy). he smiled wanly at me, and said he was hanging in there. i will be on the cancer service in another week...so i guess i'll be seeing him again.

tears sort of jumped to my eyes because i saw what it looks like to waste away.

there are days when i don't think i can do this.