that is a good question chris martin.
i'd venture to say that if you don't know if you love/ed someone, or didn't know if they love/ed you...that is much worse.
this weekend was one from the twilight zone:
begin with....a nice drive to st. louis
a nice stroll through a mall with h&m and urban outfitters...purchases
......continue with: getting lost because the mapquest directions were screwed up
....a lot of emotional stuff that i'll discuss with whomever i feel should know it, in person.
seeing a college friend i haven't seen since graduation, who i thought lived in DC....not in st. louis, randomly outside of a restaurant.
going to a completely interactive museum that is open until 1 am....
staying in a showhouse that is currently on the market.
going to a bakery, and discovering it is an asian bakery with only pastries filled with red bean paste, etc.
getting lost in a quest to a world market.
find said world market and enjoying the fruits thereof.
having my car fail on me 45 minutes outside of nashville.
yep. it's on the KY side of the stateline. i'm carless. again.
for the 2nd time in a month. let's not even talk about that.
can i just say one more thing i discovered.
boundaries are a good thing. something i wish i had learned back in junior high and high school when i was making friendships that were pivotal in who i am today. i'm sure i wouldn't have listened...and maybe that's part of growing up.
...learning that you give some people too much of yourself and at the end of the day, you're the one left with nothing.
but the past.
my first advent calendar!
5 years ago
2 comments:
i can't tell you how often i've been the one who can't even go to a wedding because a best friend is marrying someone who could be the actual definition in a dictionary of "opposite of allie"
someone i've never met before the wedding day. someone i would have never picked for them.
it's so weird, so surreal. that life has been like "that" more than life has been like everyone told me it would be is sometimes more than i can take.
but it's what it is.
fix you remains one of the best songs i've ever heard, only recently pushed out by ray lamontagne's "empty" and natasha bedingfield's "unwritten"
there is sometimes no relief from being such a good friend to a man.
i agree with allie. and when fix you came on in the car as we were leaving st. louis and he said that line that is your title, i felt my entire body clench up- because i knew what you were thinking, what must have been racing through your mind.
i wake up almost everyday and tell myself i won't give so much of myself away, but i always do.
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