life comes at you like a wrecking ball

another school year over.

another graduation.

and this year, it's my final one.

20 years in the making.

i will be a graduate a week from tomorrow.

i would wait and write this then....but let's be honest: i'll do everything else, and it'll be june 19th and i'll not have it in me to write.

Today is Vandy's graduation. my friends adrienne and david graduated from Law school and face a gross job market. i have to say, that sort of possibility makes the Match a blessing in disguise. At least most medical school graduates have a job if they do their part.

the loneliness is creeping in. friends are working overtime this week and aren't available for dinner or lunch or just chatting. med school people are all over the country looking for apartments, moving into apartments, and vacationing, or visiting family. other friends are on restrictive diets that don't allow them to indulge in chocolate or bread. (ahem, i love you shelbsley). and other friends have just moved away and are finishing up their semesters of school or working hard, or adjusting to being not in Nashville. so this week has been full of late morning risings, staring at the computer and checking and rechecking email, watching tv on hulu, and running last minute residency, med school, or apartment errands. slowly packing away my life.

there are 2 going away parties this weekend. tonight is Friedhelm's and i've got a cake in the oven for the occasion. Heidi's is tomorrow at arrington vineyards. and mine is next saturday night.

i haven't really cried yet. i think it is slowly seeping in.

with all the engagements, weddings, births, deaths, movings ons, graduations.....i'm grown up. and get older every day.

now that is splendid compared to the alternative. and i am greatly appreciative. but goodness....i am starting to understand Solomon's observation about life being like a flower.

I have a feeling that I'll feel this way when I get married or have my first child, or hit 50 years old.

this angsty feeling for eternity. and things staying the same. not in the static sense...but in the absence of growth pains and the people you love leaving.