just in cases

there is a good chance that i will be preoccupied with with weddings, parties, and visitors around the holidays, so i'm going to write about ponderings from the year. i believe i might have done this after new year's last year with all the family stuff going on around christmas.

i started a private blog a few months ago, for when i had things to say that i didn't think were the nicest things for people to read. thankfully, it hasn't had to be used too much these days. :-)

for starters, my my how things change in a year! where i am now is not too different from where i was then...except contextually.

i'm on the cusp of a new start this time around. but not relationally, as much as life-wise. finding out where i go for residency looms in the distance. graduation and moving are around the corner. life as i currently know it, with FAFSA and grades is nearing a close.

i've learned that i'm much more resilient than i thought i was. i am stronger and possess quite a bit more resolve, than i may appear to. i'm also quite soft and mushy on the inside, when all is said and done. I can forgive, but forgetting is more difficult than i thought. i'm really not that good at all. i probably will end up with blessings way larger than i deserve in the end....and probably larger than i even dreamed. i am unfortunately more nervous than i thought i was (with the hives and itching and whatnot). and i think i am ready to live in big(ger) city.

my parents aren't AS unreasonable as I thought. They actually probably know me better than I thought....they just don't wait around to let me figure it out...all the time. On the other hand, we diverge on a number of things....but I guess that is part of growing up.

I have some really great friends. people who put up with my bawling and screaming and rehashing of events over and over for at least 3 or so months. people who supported me and trusted my judgement. prayed for me and hugged me when i needed it most. and threatened to beat people up, but never acted out on that impulse....knowing that wouldn't solve anything. and then when some people thought i had lost my mind yet again, they stayed in my corner, and were honest, but edifying.

i think all in all, that i've learned that it seriously isn't over until it's over. i wish i didn't have to learn that "man's faithfulness is like the flowers of the field....that fall when the wind blows on them" in some of the ways that i have. BUT apparently, time makes things better.

as i said before, it's a good thing i didn't get what i wanted in 2008. it probably would have been more than i had bargained on.

so on to 2009! ONWARD to the holidays. (i'm not rushing to graduation though).