laboring on labor day

so while a large portion of america grills out, sleeps in, watches football and/or tv show marathons, I am at the VA on call.

I was initially quite bummed about this. but then I hit the interstate and it was traffic-free, parking was breeze, and my mind generally felt a bit more at peace than it did last night.

I went to the church that i've frequented the most since moving here. it was weird, for some reason after sitting down, i had to fight an impulse to leave. I don't know why. but then a new person turned around and introduced herself to me, and i felt compelled to stay. I'm glad I did.

i just haven't felt connected. and i don't know what to do, since most of the events that would remedy that happen when i'm on call, and can't attend.

and then the minister mentioned having dreams...and i realized that to my knowledge, i don't have a dream or goal besides making it through the day....not overdrawing my account, and getting a decent night's sleep.

maybe that is just the nature of intern year. but i feel a bit stagnated.

what hopes do i have?

i honestly don't know right now.

and that makes me sort of despondent.

it could just be my yearly existential crisis.